Sunday, March 25, 2012

Untitled

Sometimes feelings are simply
too big for us to handle
and washing across us,
(emotive wave, so linked to the moon!)
we weep

Laughter turned to tears
or uffish thought spawned by scent
mem'ry of taste or sight or smell~
(perhaps a song'll do it to us)

Taking us back to something missing
(some object lost in youth?)
or a tingle felt
when someone long gone
intimates our thoughts with longing

(Why so? Why this ache?)
Are we really just dust?
and these rivers on which our boats
catching momentary views on sweeping bends,
merely the itch one feels for a missing limb?

The tears you shed tonight
(the ones which you felt were too big for you)
laughter breached by lamentation
are just the pushings of your pith
testing the sides of it's earthy container~

So laugh! and cry
and stare off into space
talk to yourself, confide in you
(be a true friend to your own secret self)
God inhabits that same inward space

That space needs no careful hidings,
no bravery of tinkling ornaments,
(or cauls, or crisping pins to prop up!)
'tis one where only that bearded Father
and you can couch, and vouch as safe

Jay
3-26-12 @ 23:12

Monday, March 05, 2012

Journal Entry

Today marks less than a week to the five months mark in my current role. Five months! My, how time flies by.

Missouri is starting to feel more and more like home. Melissa is homeschooling our kids, we are going to church regularly, we have callings, and work is busy. We are actually replacing the furniture and odds and ends bit by bit which we sold pre-move. We sold a lot of stuff all those weeks ago.

The funny thing I realized with this move was that I had harbored a lot of fears about moving, about a new place, about being an oddity and a minority, about being away from family. Skype, and email and phone calls all help supplant lack of family contact, and are very nice to assuage the longing for a hug with said loved ones. The fears of moving and relocating are ones that can only be addressed by doing. Like the metaphorical monster under the bed, the specter of moving reared it's ugly head at me for years, and I cowered back at its supposed fury, cowed, determined to remain in my place, afraid.

Moving has been a blessing. Melissa and I have grown in ways we never expected. Yes, a few gray hairs have sprouted, but they are supposed to. Melissa's hide in her blonde locks, but mine show up like beacons in my dark hair. These highlights are won by walking through life's paths, determined to see the end of the trail.

I am excited to start planting a garden. Melissa and I will do the planter box thing this year, and have a few good ideas to start. We are a bit premature, being March 5th and all, but the odd weather patterns are waking things up a wee bit earlier than normal, and our minds move to spring, due in a few short weeks (Vernal Equinox, March 20th) and dwells on resuming daylight savings time (spring forward, March 11th @ 0200).

I have been working out regularly since Christmas break: motivation finally tipping after seeing my slim younger brother Dan after he *dropped* 35 pounds by riding an exercise bike 45 min a day. Way to go Dan-o! I have dropped next to nothing (but I do like to eat). I am however taking the stairs, running on the treadmill, and lifting. My fat is coming off slowly, and my muscle mass is notably enhanced. I shall continue.

I have been reading a lot of books lately: fiction, how-tos, and of course a lot of news online.

I have been working on my suburban (full transfiguration delayed by repaying some significant loans to get us here to MO), door seals, roof rhino lined, strike bolts replaced, etc. I hope to get it painted and the motor rebuilt this year, among other things.

And so I will leave you for now. Life is full and busy. I thank God for my blessings, and for my family.

-Jay