Monday, December 31, 2007

Bathroom Reading

I was in the bathroom this evening contemplating. I know, what was I doing thinking about anything besides business at hand, especially since there were 40 other people who might need use of the facility? As Melissa says, go or get off the pot. Constipation, it seems, can be mental as well as gastrointestinal.


The contemplating was a direct result of reading in the afore mentioned powder room. And reading the label of a Tresseme bottle to be exact. I will admit it, I am a chronic toilet reader. I have calouses on my bum in the shape of a seat, and have been known to finish entire sections of books while seated on the throne. In fact the issue is so ingrained in my habits the lavatory as lovingly referred to as "The Library". And Melissa knows the very place I refer to when I call it such.

My normal fare for bathroom perusal would be a book (think George Castanza from Seinfeld), a Griotts Garage catalogue, the Holiday Harley-Davidson guide, or Readers Digest. In situ, I will read anything at hand, and that most often falls to reading bottles.

Ammonium xylenesulfonate, cocamidopropyl betaine, for best results lather and rinse, finished product not tested in animals. Reading fare is generally sparse in bathrooms that are not my own, and I have to get creative. I look in the tub. I look under the sink. I open the cabinets and see what is there. There is all sorts of stuff.

People of the 19th century believed that actions aided the digestion. A fellow in days gone by might have been overheard saying "I stroll at night while smoking a pipe to aid the digestion." Or "I do lunges after liverwurst and a single-malt whiskey to aid the digestion". Those fellows might have been on to something. "I read shampoo bottles and toilet bowl cleaner labels to aid the digestion."

The reasons why? Compulsion to read. Pavlovian conditioning. A father who did the same while I was young and malleable. Tonight the reason eludes me. Yet for some reason I needed to share.

-Jay

5 comments:

riotimus said...

For my bathroom reading I have been working on a book called "Food in History," a great book for anyone who loves either food or history. It makes those times a little more satisfying.

R.

Jen Jen said...

hahah! I so remember joking about the bathroom reading at work!

elainezabub said...

Jarubla, I just found this site through Lara's. I was so excited to catch up on your cute family. Congrats on your new munckin.
Reading this just reminded me of how much I miss you guys.
Hope all is well with you.
Love,
E

ANDREA said...

HA! I remember you taking stuff to read to the bathroom!! LOL I love your openness and honesty. its hilarious. I used to read TONS in the bathroom- now I just play Sudoku. My husband is like you- always has to be reading in the bathrom- When we get a new Ensign he is in the bathroom forEEEEVVVERRRRR!!!!

Jarubla said...

What can I say guys? You know me too well :)

Elaine, I am glad you found my blog! Now post up your own, ok? Let me know what it is too ok?

-Jay